Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
