Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I need to calm my uterus...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize