So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
