Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
