For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
