remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
But break dance skills will only take you so far
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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