who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
