I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
