So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
