chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
