none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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