my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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