So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
