just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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