Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
