Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
