There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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