Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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