its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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