Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
