He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
