I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
