If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
