And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
