So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize