I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
