he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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