so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
