it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
