having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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