I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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