You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
