Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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