Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
