Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
