I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
