I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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