After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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