It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
