There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
