The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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