He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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