Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
