the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
