Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
