It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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