I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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