dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
