Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
