Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
