Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
