there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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