guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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