Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
