It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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