I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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