I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
