I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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