I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we're making bets on your personal life
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
