Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
