She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
