Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
