I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
