Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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