R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize