Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
What a dumb baby whore.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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