Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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