Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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