Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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